As a thank you to everyone who has shared and looked through this site today. I thought I’d share the first few chapters of a book I have been writing over the last few months, which I hope to publish by the summer.

Out of Sight, Out of Mind is the story of a government-funded old people’s home under the sea. It has been described as Red Dwarf meets a 1970s sitcom in a dystopian world. It was also described as a horror story, but we don’t talk about that.

Please feel free to share your thoughts in the comments below.

OUT OF SIGHT. OUT OF MIND.

Preface

Gladys and her husband Leonard had dreamt of retiring in one of the luxury retirement cruise ships.  Gladys hoped they would end up in one like her friend Kathy had bragged about at the hairdresser.

“I’ll be circling the Caribbean islands until my time ends.  The medical care provided is the best.  A private London organisation have partnered with a Swiss cryogenic firm.  There are fantastic facilities for me to enjoy on board before any of that death nonsense. A gym. A hairdresser. A nail bar. A cocktail bar. A pool. A casino.  A…A…”

The list was endless. Leonard had sniggered when Gladys had described it to him.

“No one will be with her at the end. They will be at home, oblivious to her last breath, probably watching re-runs of Strictly.”

Gladys asked if Leonard thought their four children would be watching Strictly when they were in their hour of need.

“Probably,” he replied.

How could he believe all those years of bringing up Genia, Lenny, George, and Lisa had amounted to nothing? she’d thought.

At the next family dinner, Gladys decided to bring the subject up.

“When we get infirm, do you think you’ll rally around for us?”

Genia and Lisa scoffed.  Lenny and George carried on filling their faces with roast beef.  Leonard looked like he was going to choke on his Yorkshire pudding.

“Answer your mother’s question.”

“We have commitments now,” said Genia.

“But that doesn’t mean we don’t love you and appreciate everything you have done for us,” said Lisa.

“Like this mashed potato,” said George.

“God’s sake, George. Mum. Dad. We will all be there if you desperately need us.  I am pretty sure my garage is big enough to house you both.  I can easily set up a mattress, a hosepipe and a bucket to make you comfy,” said Lenny.

They’d put money aside for their funeral with the Co-op.  The active volcano cremation services that they’d read about were out of budget, but when retirement arrived, interest rates and government taxes had swallowed their funds.

This was why Gladys had entered the government-funded retirement home lottery. She hoped they wouldn’t get sent to one of the stack ‘em high, watch ‘em dies places she drove past on her weekly visit to the supermarket.

Chapter 1 – Long shot.                                                                          

Gladys’s finger hurt.  She had been holding it on the hole leaking water in her bedroom for hours. The metal wall was cold, and it smelt rusty. Her right leg started to feel damp.  How could this be happening? Her finger was tight on that hole.  She waggled her legs and realised her husband’s nocturnal enuresis had returned.

“Leonard. Wake up.”

He didn’t stir. His snores reverberated around the metal box they slept in.  The three thick grey hairs covering his bald patch had flopped onto Gladys’ pillow.  Gladys knew that Leonard had become a master at pretending to be asleep. He didn’t want to be there.

“I’m not sure why I let you volunteer for this place,” he would say repeatedly. He enunciated the word volunteer and framed it with his irritating quote fingers.

Gladys had plenty of time to reflect on the boxes she had ticked on the volunteer application while she watched the ocean above them. 

She recalled how they celebrated their selection when the letter arrived.  But in the last few weeks, Leonard’s beautiful brown eyes had begun to sink further into his bony sockets.  Leonard had become a grump with his constant muttering, “If we’d been sensible with our money in our youth, we-“

She would never let him finish that sentence since they had been down there.

When they first arrived, they imagined it would be as the brochure had described. 

Out of sight, out of mind is our new experimental under-the-sea retirement complex.  It’s the perfect way to escape those senior blues and the ultimate path to begin the final chapter of your life. Corridors of glass tunnels frame beautiful sea life all around you.  We guarantee to provide peace and tranquillity in your last moments.  Relax in boutique boudoirs and feast in an a-la-carte restaurant. 

There were corridors, but the small portholes were thick with a growing carpet of algae and invertebrates.  Unit 507, their bedroom, was no bigger than a shipping container with a porthole positioned too high up the corrugated wall.  Their joints were too creaky to offer each other leg-ups, but as they lay in bed, they could sometimes see a curious, grumpy-looking fish swim by.  The complimentary ocean-themed velour dressing gowns smelt of recycled chloroform.  Gladys missed the homely smell of synthetic fabric conditioner and reed diffusers.

Each living space enhanced the quietest of noise.  The dining area was shared with three other “lucky” couples, which reminded Leonard of the cadet mess hall days he had enjoyed in his teenage years. After a few weeks of having seafood for breakfast, lunch and tea, they decided to lose weight. 

They knew they would have to surface at some point, maybe for maintenance or supplies, but the flaky communication system installed only hissed. Gladys would ask Leonard what the announcements had said, but he would shake his head. He couldn’t admit that his hearing aid batteries had started to fail and that he was the real reason they had found themselves in this position.

Chapter 2 – Pipe down.

Gladys started to strip the yellow bed sheets.  Leonard shuffled to the metal locker described in the brochure as their walk-in wardrobe.  He pulled out his favourite brown roll-neck jumper and corduroy trousers.  The Claxton sounded for breakfast.  It stopped.

“I want a divorce,” said Leonard.

Gladys continued pulling the damp sheets from the bed. 

“Time for breakfast,” she said.

“Did you hear me?”

“I hear there are rolls this morning.”

Their metal trays clattered onto the table, sending the stale bread into the kipper juices.  The couple on the table next to Gladys and Leonard scraped their wooden knives across the plastic seashell plates.  Their hands shook when the fork touched their exposed gums.  In Gladys’s mind, every guest had become a caricature of the fish displayed on the information boards dotted around the complex.  There were no longer any cheery, good mornings. How did you sleep? What do you fancy doing today?

“I want that divorce.”

All the other diners opened and closed their mouths like fish gasping for air. 

“These rolls are delicious,” said Gladys.  She ran her fingers through her faded purple rinsed hair and smoothed her patterned nylon ocean-themed dress.

Leonard clutched at his chest. 

“Did you-“

He fell forward onto the bench and landed on his kipper.  Gladys was pleased he missed the roll.  One of the diners rushed over.

“Let’s loosen this shirt, Leonard.  It’s Harry.”

Gladys had labelled Harry the meddler.  When he arrived on board, he made it clear to everyone that he would be in charge of any or all the onboard emergencies.  He irked everyone with how he had years of experience in this area before volunteering for this great opportunity.   

Leonard started to stir.  Gladys put the roll back on his plate. She would regret that decision later. 

“Let’s get you back to the bedroom,” said Gladys.

Leonard wobbled down the corridor, dragging his brown checked slippers like a child who didn’t like his new shoes and mumbled, “Just because I’m now wrinkly, the bloody government want to hide us down here.  I’d be respected if I lived in India, Korea, China, or Rome.  I put all those hard years in to raise the next generation for what? They don’t give two shits. Well, I’ll put a spanner in their works.” 

“A divorce?” said Gladys as she slammed the metal door behind them.

Leonard looked pale.

“If it will get us out of this place,” he replied.

Leonard dragged himself to the bed and flopped face down into the pillows. 

“You gave me a scare?” she said.

He didn’t reply.

“Leonard.  Are you listening?”

Leonard made a gasping sound.

“Leonard?”

Leonard started to sweat; his chest felt like a car in a mechanical crusher. He tried to call out for help, but nothing came out. He thought, this is it. I’m going to be chunked up and fed to the fish like those other poor sods.